Perfectionism is a combination of exceedingly high personal standards and overly critical self-evaluation. Perfectionism can be viewed from three different perspectives: perfectionism of self, of others, and social prescribed perfectionism. Your athlete may experience one or all three dimensions. Athletes that direct their perfectionism towards themselves typically have unrealistic expectations of themselves and can be quite punitive in their self-evaluations. Athletes that direct perfectionism towards others have exceedingly high expectations of others and evaluate them quite critically. Socially prescribed perfectionism shows up when athletes believe they are being judged by others and that they must perform perfectly in order to win the approval of others, specifically from parents and coaches. Any form of perfectionism is detrimental to performance. Perfectionistic athletes often play timidly, experience performance anxiety, and struggle with focus.
Here are some signs that your athlete may be experiencing perfectionism:
1. Plays differently in practice than in competition
2. Has difficulty bouncing back from mistakes
3. Responds to mistakes with harsh self-criticism or blames others for mistakes
4. Focuses on winning
5. Procrastinates
6. Uses all or nothing thinking
7. Has unrealistic expectations of self and or others
8. Fears failure
9. Responds to coaches’ feedback defensively or defeatedly
10. Has a hard time relaxing
Red flag parenting behaviors that perpetuate perfectionism:
1. Finding yourself talking about your teen’s sport, games, or practices to the exclusion of other subjects
2. Overscheduling your teen
3. Not allowing injuries to heal completely before returning to play
4. Ignoring your teen after a game
5. Leaving in the middle of a game because you are disappointed in your teen’s performance
6. Continuing to offer suggestions even when you notice your teen is upset
7. Finding yourself saying “I’m not coming to your game if you’re going to play like that” or “I’m not going to waste my time or money to watch you play or practice like that”
8. Comparing your teen to other athletes
9. Monitoring your teen’s stats and playing time
10. Including your teen in gossip about team politics, ie, coach’s decisions about playing time etc.
HERE’S WHAT PARENTS CAN DO TO SUPPORT THEIR PERFECTIONISTIC ATHLETES
R E C O M M E N D E D S P O R T PA R E N T I N G B O O K S
Let Them Play by Jerry Lynch
Changing the Game by John O’Sullivan
101 Ways to be a Terrific Sports Parent by Joel Fish
Raising an Athlete by Jack Perconte
Positive Sport Parenting by Jim Thompson
R E C OMME N D E D S P O RT PA R E N T I N G P O D CA S T S
Parenting Peak Performers with Kathy Feinstein
Working with Parents in Sport with Gordon MacLeeland
Raising Athletes Podcast with Kirsten Jones and Susie Waltmon
Article Written by: KATHY FEINSTEIN, MS 2180 Immokalee Road | Naples, Florida 34110 | (239) 594-0900
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